Missed Opportunities (1)

Posting something on craigslist does not guarantee a response. Some are flagged by overzealous cragslisters, some are just too absurd to generate a response. Here is the first in the series.

Pringles + Jesus = The greatest find on craigslist

For sale - One can of sour cream and onion Pringles blessed by
The one.
The only.
God's right hand man
Pope John Paul II!

Back in 2000 I took a trip to the Vatican and attended mass where where Pope John Paul gave a blessing to the entire audience. He was getting up there in a age and I believe he misspoke. Instead of blessing everyone in the audience ... he blessed everything. The only thing that I had on me besides my clothes was a backpack that contained an unopened can of sour cream and onion Pringles.

Yes these chips are almost 10 years old.
Yes the can is still unopened.

The real question is ... What will happen when you eat the chips?

A friend of mine said the can will act like the arc of the covenant and will melt my face off and devour my soul in because the Pope is not supposed to bless inanimate objects. I don't believe that though. Maybe if you eat the chips you will discover the meaning of life of get super Jesus powers or something.

The possibilities are endless!!!

I cannot put a value on these chips so I am asking you to. Send me your best offer or trade.

Wanted: Hunting Beard Responses (4)

Bryan

When I went to the barber today. I mentioned someone wanted to use my beard hair for a hunting beard. He said he used to make wigs. Anyway he shortened my beard and put all the hair in a napkin. My beard hasn't been this short in years.
I'll hang onto it for a few days. Let me know what you want to do.

Bryan

As you can see, the beard is now short. About 1/2 to 3/4 inch long now.

Where do I go from here?

Here is the latest e-mail from my bearded friend Bryan.

Bryan

Give me a call so we can meet. It will be much easier to trim my beard for someone I have met. I am sure we can come to some kind of agreement. It is really not about the money, though it helps. I can only imagine the grief you get. It would be quite the picture to see their faces this year after your lady friend pulls off this fantastically unbelievable feat!
Yes, I believe a set payment is agreeable. I would also like to see a picture of it when you go to hunting camp.

414-XXX-XXXX

The question is where do I go from here?
Give me some guidance - post a comment on the blog or facebook.
The best idea may just get a giant bag of Bryan's whiskers!
Don't make that face ... secretly you know you want it.

The picture of the beard comes from this site
http://www.feargod.net/beards.php
This guy trimmed off 5 different beards from 3 decades and for some reason saved them in ziploc bags. He also has a pretty sweet pair of debeardification pics. Check it out!

Wanted: Hunting Beard Responses (3)

Bryan

I am not ignoring you. Presently, I have been kind of busy. What is your deadline for sending the beard to the girl in CA? Are we talking the Nov gun hunt? I am already hunting since it is bow season. Have you got a phone number I can call you at?

Pedro

Yes - Gun Hunt. She kind of owes me a favor so I think she will be able to craft it in under a week.
Did you get anything with bow?

Bryan

Nothing yet. I have only gotten out twice so far. The plus is the cool weather we are getting. The deer are more active when its cold. The good thing is bow season is about 4 months long. Setting out the game camera today which a buddy is letting me use. I would like to meet you before we close the deal.

Pedro

I agree we should meet! Maybe we should discuss price first to make sure we are on the same page. I was initially going to pay per strand but your beard is very thick and manly. Would you accept a flat rate payment? I have been saving all summer long for this and have a fat stack of cash set aside for your chin curtain. Out of curiosity what are you willing to part with it for??

Wanted: Hunting Beard Responses (2)

Bryan

I cut my beard down every couple of months. It is usually 3-6 inches long. I cut it down to about 1 inch long. Would that be enough hair for your friend to work with?
bryan

Pedro

Oh my god Bryan - that is one of the most beautiful beards I have ever seen in my life! The color is perfect, my face is going to be so warm this hunting season!

It will be more than enough for my friend to work with.
When do you plan on trimming that facial masterpiece?

No response from Bryan yet ... fingers crossed!

edit: I hadn't heard from Bryan in 5 days but not 2 minutes after I posted this he responded. Stay tuned kids ... the story continues.

Wanted: Hunting Beard Responses (1)

Terry & Anna

ARE YOU NUTS?

Pedro

no. I am 100% serious.
I have been building this up for a few months. I told my friends that I am taking part in a study that helps men grow facial hair.

Now all I need is the beard hair.
Are you the person I have been looking for?

Terry & Anna

GOOD LUCK ANYWAY.

Pedro

Do you know anyone that would be interested in making a little bit of money for their beard?

maybe your mother would be interested?

Terry & Anna

Your mother said she had about six inches between her legs she was saving for you.

Wanted: Hunting Beard

I am 42 years old and if my life depended on it I could not grow a beard. Every hunting season after a couple of beers my friends start making fun of my inability to grow a beard and this continues all weekend long. Over the 4th of July weekend I ran into a friend from high school who told me she is living out in California working as a makeup artist in movies. We got to talking and she told me that she could construct a beard so realistic that nobody would ever be able to tell the difference no matter how closely they looked at it.

To pull it off I need real human beard hair.
Brown in color.
At least 1/4" long.

I will pay you handsomely to shave it off. (electric trimmer if possible)
Send me a pic of your beard with your response to this ad because time is of the essence.