Sunday, February 8, 2009

Send in the Clowns Responses (2)

I am a clown. picture not included.
I'm hoping this is a joke post. However, I'm also low on work during the winter so I'm the clown for you. Countless people sent me the link thinking I would get a kick out of it. If it is a joke post, you are a genious and should come write for my circus. If not write back for details of clown experience.

Thank you for your time
Pedro Gonzalez
I assure you sir my mental health is no joke, I take it very seriously. I have consulted numerous medical professionals over the years and nobody have been able to cure me of this bizarre phobia of mine. The job is pretty straight forward. You will be responsible to wake me up every morning at 5:30am. NO EXECPTIONS.

I will give you a key to my house. You will creep into my bedroom (or living room, sometimes i fall asleep on the couch while watching television) and wake me up. The method in which you wake me up is open to interpretation. One day you could splat me in the face with a cream pie and the next day you could honk an over sized novelty horn in my ear. I will probably jolt upright and immediately be immobilized by fear. You will then preform a 3-5 minute show using standard clown tricks. If you find me asleep on the couch juggling would be acceptable because of the vaulted ceilings. (I would implore you to stay away from juggling chainsaws because of the inherit danger, flaming bowling pins is ok though)

After the show you will walk out and not return until following day. I will leave the money on the nightstand. The first couple times you may feel bad leaving me there shaking in a puddle of my own piss but I promise you I will be alright in an hour or so.

You mentioned that you are a professional clown, where on the clowning scale to you fall?

|- Bozo
|- Circus Clown
|- Birthday Party Clown
|- Parade Clown
|- John Wayne Gacy
|- Shriner

A friend of mine is screening all of the responses and helping me to choose a suitable candidate so feel free to include pictures of yourself in full makeup along with any relevant clowning experience.

No comments:

Post a Comment