Sunday, February 8, 2009

Send In The Clowns

I am deathly afraid of clowns.
This is no laughing matter, my entire body locks up. I can't move or talk ... I am literally frozen in fear. Last year someone thought it would be hilarious to send a clown-o-gram to the office as a practical joke. Everyone got a big laugh at my terrorized condition, they laughed even harder when they found out I wet myself a little bit. It was there at the lowest point of my life that I decided to cure myself of this debilitating phobia. I have tried all sorts of "medical professionals" over the years (Psychologists, Psychotherapists, Hypnotists, Holistic Healers, etc.) with little to no success. I have done some research on the internet, talked it over with a few nutcases and have developed a plan of attack that is so crazy that it just may work.

This is where you come in.
Every morning I need you to come into my home (i will give you a key) and scare me awake in full clown makeup. Now I am not looking for some half-assed attempts either ... you really have to give it your all. I am looking for you to perform a 3-5 minute show each morning at around 5:30 am. You don't need to be a professional clown but you should be able to do a few magic/ balloon animal tricks and maybe have a few props on hand like squirting flowers and seltzer bottles. CLOWN SUIT WILL NOT BE PROVIDED.

I am planning on testing my theory out starting March 1st. You will be paid $100 per day ($3100 total for the entire month) with a sizable bonus coming if you are able to cure me of my phobia. If you are planning on sending pics of yourself in clown makeup PLEASE WARN ME IN THE SUBJECT LINE! Thank you for your time - hope to hear from you soon!

Status: Reposted

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