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n of sour cream and onion Pringles blessed byWhen I went to the barber today. I mentioned someone wanted to use my beard hair for a hunting beard. He said he used to make wigs. Anyway he shortened my beard and put all the hair in a napkin. My beard hasn't been this short in years.
I'll hang onto it for a few days. Let me know what you want to do.
As you can see, the beard is now short. About 1/2 to 3/4 inch long now.
Give me a call so we can meet. It will be much easier to trim my beard for someone I have met. I am sure we can come to some kind of agreement. It is really not about the money, though it helps. I can only imagine the grief you get. It would be quite the picture to see their faces this year after your lady friend pulls off this fantastically unbelievable feat!The question is where do I go from here?
Yes, I believe a set payment is agreeable. I would also like to see a picture of it when you go to hunting camp.
414-XXX-XXXX
I am not ignoring you. Presently, I have been kind of busy. What is your deadline for sending the beard to the girl in CA? Are we talking the Nov gun hunt? I am already hunting since it is bow season. Have you got a phone number I can call you at?Pedro
Yes - Gun Hunt. She kind of owes me a favor so I think she will be able to craft it in under a week.Bryan
Did you get anything with bow?
Nothing yet. I have only gotten out twice so far. The plus is the cool weather we are getting. The deer are more active when its cold. The good thing is bow season is about 4 months long. Setting out the game camera today which a buddy is letting me use. I would like to meet you before we close the deal.Pedro
I agree we should meet! Maybe we should discuss price first to make sure we are on the same page. I was initially going to pay per strand but your beard is very thick and manly. Would you accept a flat rate payment? I have been saving all summer long for this and have a fat stack of cash set aside for your chin curtain. Out of curiosity what are you willing to part with it for??
I cut my beard down every couple of months. It is usually 3-6 inches long. I cut it down to about 1 inch long. Would that be enough hair for your friend to work with?Pedro
bryan
Oh my god Bryan - that is one of the most beautiful beards I have ever seen in my life! The color is perfect, my face is going to be so warm this hunting season!
It will be more than enough for my friend to work with.
When do you plan on trimming that facial masterpiece?
ARE YOU NUTS?Pedro
no. I am 100% serious.Terry & Anna
I have been building this up for a few months. I told my friends that I am taking part in a study that helps men grow facial hair.
Now all I need is the beard hair.
Are you the person I have been looking for?
GOOD LUCK ANYWAY.Pedro
Do you know anyone that would be interested in making a little bit of money for their beard?Terry & Anna
maybe your mother would be interested?
Your mother said she had about six inches between her legs she was saving for you.
Really great answers Amy. Is there anything else you want us to know about you before we narrow it down to the final three?
BTW I would never make you take the couch if you are paying rent but my crazy aunt (in a drunken stupor) may try to sleep in your room ... you would have to lock the door on (the very few) nights that she is in town.
My roommate Christina is ecstatic to maybe have another SVU fan in the house. She wants to know who you think is the sexiest and why. (She has a thing for Elliot. she always says "He can slam me up against the wall any time he wants!")
Peloma
Well Christina, I would have to agree, Elliot is the sexiest, but I kind of have a thing for Ice-T. I like the bad boy thing.
A few things about me:
I own a full sized bed, a small dresser, a radio, and a few other decorative things (none of which I really need)... so moving in would take me about an hour. I'm very clean when it comes to my room so no worries about my clothes laying all over the floor or moldy dishes hiding under my bed (I actually found this in my current roommates room yesterday. It was really old beer in a plastic cup that had grown a thick fur of mold over the top. It was a miracle it never tipped over!!)
Also, my man friend has his own apartment so out of respect for everyone living in the house we would be taking any night time activities (such as monopoly) to his place.
If I came to live with you, I would hope that we would get to know each other and become friends. I once lived with people that never wanted to talk to me and it was very uncomfortable. Hopefully we could get coffee or hang out once and a while if we're all free.
Just for fun...
My Five Favorite Things:
1) Photography (very amateur pictures of flowers and plants, taken at parks usually)
2) Trying new foods/ new restaurants
3) Tattoos
4) Music (right now I'm listening to "Can't You See" by The Marshall Tucker Band)
5) Having fun with my current friends, and making new ones. (I'm pretty social and very accepting of other positive, open minded people)
I think that's just about everything. I hope it helps you on narrowing down the prospective renters.
Have a good one! Hope to hear from you soon.
Amy
Hi! My name is Amy, I am a freshman at UWM and I am looking for a place to live as of September 1. I like the description of your place on craigslist and very happy with the price of rent. Your apartment would be in a perfect location to get to school and work. Please let me know if it is still available- I would love to look at the place.Peloma
Thanks!
Amy
Since the response has been so overwhelming my roommate and I are prescreening the potential roommates with a couple questions. Answer them as HONESTLY as possible.Amy
1) We currently use the room for Rupert & Charlie and as a guest bedroom for when friends come into town. A semi frequent guest we have is my Aunt Sallyl she is a traveling salesman and a notorious drunk. Would you be willing to take the couch for a night or two when he is in town?
2) Rupert is housebroken ... most of the time. Say you woke up in the morning and stepped in a steaming pile of piggy poo. What do you do?
3) My roommate is a HUGE Law & Order fanatic. For arguments sake lets say you don't have a TV in your room. she has been watching Ice-T attempting to act for 6 hours straight and you want to watch the Brewer game. What do you do?
4) Favorite alcoholic drink
5) Would you be willing to share the room with parakeets as well?
Hope to hear from you soon
Peloma
In response to your questionaire:
1) I would have no problem taking the couch- currently I sleep on the floor so almost anywhere works for me.
2) In the event of a piggy poo mishap I would most definitley locate some paper towel and clean up for him- since I dont think pigs can clean up after themselves- and then I'd let him out for a while.
3) Most importantly Law & Order trumps the Brewers any day. So I would most likley be found watching with her- if its SVU. Other than Law & Order I dont really watch tv so there shouldnt be much competition for the remote.
4) I would have to say Pabst for my beer choice and Tequila if we're talking liquor.
5) I will share a room with any animal that currently shares the space as long as I can socialize with them. I love animals and actually feel more at home with them around. I dont have any pets currently, but before I moved to Milwaukee I had a ball python, an iguana, a dog, a guinea pig, a cat, some fish, and a hamster (not all at once of course)...
AMY
Hey man, just checking to see what you thought of my answers.Pedro
Have a good day,
Sorry I have been in Illinois all weekend long at the ComicCon. My roommate and I started up a 5 man flute band called The Tashi Station Power Converters. Its a John Williams tribute band, we dress up like jedi knights & reinterpret the star wars soundtracks with only flutes. We host practice in the living room every third Tuesday of the month.S. Weber
Your answers were perfect ... but my roommate is having second thoughts about renting the room out. We were planning on using the rent money to promote the bejesus out of Tashi. But after a disastrous con, he wants to rethink his involvement in the band. He thinks the we need more diversity than 5 flutes ... You don't happen to play any instruments do you?
Hmm.. Firstly, I am in massive love of Star Wars. And I don't just mean the films. I love the whole SWU. Secondly, I do play keyboards. I have two synthesizers.. And a computer chocked full of Muzik-Making Stuffs. I can record.. I run Cubase on the computer. Um..depending on what you want for the band, I would be interested in doing some Max Rebo-style keyboards.. Or strings and pads for your flutes to play atop of...
Also, I am starting a record label. So.. if you guys are interested in that, once the company gets up and fully functional, I would love to get you guys recorded and promoted. I would love to have something like you want to be on the label. However, even if you are not interested in what I just mentioned, I can do promotional art and leg work. I enjoy doing that.
Well, let me know what you think. Even if for some reason it doesn't work out, it's cool to know that there are cool people like you who seem to share my interests. :)
-S. Weber
PS - oh, and I do play guitar somewhat but I don't know that you would like it or that it would fit. The guitars sound like.. Dark Western Guitars. At least that is how they have been described to me. Just thought I'd throw that out there..
Erm, would you like to meet at Bremen sometime?
hey i was just wondering if that room is still available. please call me at 262/412-xxxx to let me know.Pedro
thanks.
Since the response has been so overwhelming my roommate and I are prescreening the potential roommates with a couple questions. Answer them as HONESTLY as possible.S. Weber
1) We currently use the room for Rupert & Charlie and as a guest bedroom for when friends come into town. A semi frequent guest we have is my Uncle Sal he is a traveling salesman and a notorious drunk. Would you be willing to take the couch for a night or two when he is in town?
2) Rupert is housebroken ... most of the time. Say you woke up in the morning and stepped in a steaming pile of piggy poo. What do you do?
3) My roommate is a HUGE Law & Order fanatic. For arguments sake lets say you don't have a TV in your room. He has been watching Ice-T attempting to act for 6 hours straight and you want to watch the Brewer game. What do you do?
4) Favorite alcoholic drink
5) Would you be willing to share the room with parakeets as well?
Hope to hear from you soon
Pedro
i don't mean to sound desperate, but things are dire.
1)I would not mind taking the couch.
2)I love animals to death. I am a vegetarian and find it so very hard to get mad at animals.
3)I really don't watch the Brewers, or TV that much for that matter. but, if i really woudn't mind if i wanted to watch something and he was using the TV.
4)I hardly ever drink, but if i do, it is gin. or some wine. but if others do, i dont hold it against them.
5)i would not mind sharing a room with parakeets. honestly, i mean if it is about the noise, i dont mind, as long as they dont mind my noise. :)
Thanks.. umm, is there a number i could reach you at? or would you like to meet sometime? i will be in riverwest all weekend and through wednesday. but arrangements can be made after that! and hope to hear from you! i can recieve text messages, but not incoming calls. nor can i dial out. i am sorry for the inconvenience.... i am a male too, just so you know. in case that matters. however, i dont know if any of the roomates there are female, but it doesnt matter to me. thanks!
My dream is to become a professional ping pong player. I was coached my the legendary Nikolai Kuznetsov (Russian Ping Pong GOD) but now he refuses to train me until I grow up and become a real man. My mother weighs over 500 pounds and needs me to take care of her. Currently I am working as a stocker at super walmart mainly for the 20% discount on food. Nikolai wants me to stuff her in a nursing home and go on the pro tour, but I cannot do that to my mother.Natalie
I think when she becomes completely bed ridden it will be easier to make the tough decision. I think she is only a couple of boxes of ding dongs away from that, it is getting harder and harder for her to get on and off of her Rascal scooter, and she spends most of her time in bed.
While it is true that I live with my mother my room is completely separate from her. I have converted the entire basement into my own little bat-cave. I have everything I need down there except for one thing ... the lovin' of a good woman.
A new pic is in the works ... Still have to get this mop on the top of my head trimmed down. I may try and dig out some pictures from comic con last year. I dressed up as aquaman (my mother made the costume she was a professional seamstress.) and the costume totally shows off my junk. There MAY have been a little padding but to quote on of the greatest poets of the twentieth century.
I'm long
and I'm strong
and I'm down to get the friction on.
so basically, your emails are the highlight of my life and i think you are the most interesting person i have ever met. but i also think that you are too interesting and hilarious to even be a real person or telling the truth... hahah so i'm waiting on that newer picture...
me? my life is pretty lame right now; i wish that i had an interesting mom and life that i could entertain you with, but... i am going to college in the fall, but didnt get into the dorms so i have to live with this old woman to rent a room in her house. my parents are insane [my dad collects old mercedes that dont work, and thinks the world in going to end], hence we have our own private stock of end of the world supplies. so if there was ever a nuclear fallout or zombie attack i think i have a good chance at surviving.
i have been having a pretty fun summer so far, but now that i am grounded i'm pretty much stuck at home, so that kinda blows. but if i wasn't i would be moshing at concerts and just doing random stuff til 4 in the morning. i keep entertained easily.
my dream is to marry rich and never have to worry about money ever again. or marry someone old and recieve their will. or just fall into money. butttt since i cant just take that on as a career i am going to study engineering. we'll see how that goes.
i swam for my high school for 4 years, and did i ever tell you that my favorite superhero is aquaman? so basically you are my ultimate fantasy.
is pedo pronounced pee-do or pay-do? like pedro w/o the r?
Going to college ... so you were just planning on hitting it and quitting it? LOL! J/K. I am fine with that. really.
I am glad that I amuse you with my life ... sometimes I wish I were just a figment of someone's imagination. Then I realize that you really couldn't make this stuff up if you wanted to, my life is just too odd.
Here is a more recent picture of me in my aquaman costume.
Ping pong (even on the professional level) does not make a lot of money ... If I changed all of my cash into pennies I think I might be able to fill a kiddie pool. You could swim in them like Scrooge McDuck. You could FEEL rich and swim at the same time!
Bradley (Pey-doo)
I LOVE GINGERS! haaa. send me a pic. i'm tallish blonde and 18. looking for some fun. write me back,
natalie.Pedro
I was so inspired by your response Natalie that I wrote a beautiful haiku poem for you.
I am a red head.
The carpet matches the drapes.
Ride me like a wave.
I have attached a picture of myself.
It is quite a few years old, I am slightly more muscular now since I started weight training.
Natalie
Hope to hear from you soon.
Bradley
(Pedo_Gonzalez is my world of warcraft name ... if you play look me up!)
haaa i love that picture, but it would be nice to get a more recent one. and your haiku made my day. i am writing you one in return:
i am a blonde head
the carpet does not match the drapes
ride me like a bicycle
i dont even know what a haiku is i hope thats alright. obviously i am not an english major. butttt yours was hilarious...!Pedro
and i dont play wow... sorry..
Haiku has three lines written one right after another, with 17 syllables -- the first line contains five syllables, the second has seven, and the last has five.
I have to admit reading your poem got me a little "excited" but with 26 years of backup ... a stiff wind can get me standing at attention. I was about to send you a more recent picture but I realized that you have not sent one of yourself. Tit for Tat I say :)Natalie
Bradley
haha ohhh smart guy eh? and attached is a picture of me...
which is just over a month or so old. unlike someones... :)
Pedro
OMG you are absolutely stunning!!!Natalie
I am thinking that you are way too hot for dinner with my mother ... I am going to have to take you someplace classy like Ponderosa or Red Lobster.
I was going to attach a more recent picture but after seeing yours I think I need to up the ante. I want to get my hair cut and maybe a new shirt.
Do you think I should go topless instead? I don't want to say that my biceps are bulging ... but I will tell you that I am bench pressing over 80 pounds now :0
haha ok i'll be waiting.. ;] i dont think i can stand the suspense any longer... lol
so tell me a bit about yourself.
Please tell me your ad is a joke. Seriously.Pedro
My ad is no joke. Are you interested in rocking my world?KS
Ha, not at your mom's house!Pedro
You are absolutely correct. As much as she is a HUGE part of my life there is no room for her when I am sexing up some lovely ladies.KS
New game plan.
How about a romantic dinner at Red Lobster, followed by drinks at the bar and then we head off to a sleezy pay by the hour motel WHERE WE GIT IT ON!!!!!! I will bring the rubber sheets, barry white cd's and possibly my batman costume.
lol, okPedro
Excellent!KS
Should I pick you up on my scooter (I will bring an extra helmet) or do you want to meet at the restaurant?
I hear chicks dig guys who ride bikes is that true?
BTW I was just kidding about the rubber sheets ... but not the batman costume. Any chance you are a fan of catwoman? MEOW!
Here is a picture of me from a few years back, I fill that suit out a little bit better these days and my hair is much shorter.
wow, i see why you're still a virgin living at your mom's house!Pedro
Wow that was kind of rude.KS
Lets see a pic of you, It will probably explain why you are looking through craigslist personals.
Actually I have had good luck both on and off of craigslist. The reason I'm on here is because I don't like picking up guys in bars, and at my job 98% of the employees are female.Pedro
So ya gonna let me tap that or what?KS
I'm going to say or what...
Why not try and talk to shia's agent set up a phone conference for real. find his agent and send him an email or a call. Give her the real thing. Teresa Dahlquist is his agent at the Beverly Hecht Agency.Mike
Beverly Hecht Agcy
3500 W Olive Ave Ste 1180
Burbank, CA 91505
818-559-****
Hi, I ran across your ad on CL, and it was extremely heart touching. I don't think you were a terrible father, just someone doing something...anything, to get a child in a terrible situation to smile. I may have done something similar if I were in that situation.
Although I don't think I could pull something like that off, I was wondering if you had ever considered contacting the Make A Wish Foundation about actually trying to make this happen, instead of faking it. I do volunteer work with them, and a child does not need to be terminal to have a wish granted, however I'm not sure of the criteria that needs to be met. It would be worth giving them a call.
If you're interested, you can call Andrea Kobernik in the Milwaukee offices, and ask her to point you in the right direction. Here is her information.
Andrea, Special Events CoordinatorJoey
Make-A-Wish Foundation of Wisconsin
13195 W. Hampton Ave.
Butler, Wisconsin 53007
Phone: 262.781.****
Fax: 262.781.****
Hope I helped a bit....good luck.
Hi my name is Joey, sorry to hear about your daughter. I can’t image what you all must be going through. I’m about the same age and build as Shia not exactly sure how much I sound like him but I will try to listen to his voice and record my own to see if there’s enough resemblance. I would like to help out if possible. Have you tried to contact him in any way? I could pool some resources and see if there’s any possibility getting in contact with him although it does seem like a long shot. I know some independent film makers and local artists, I could also contact the Milwaukee Independent Film board and try to get a request for help put out there. If he’s anything like me he would be willing to consider it. I don’t want to get your hopes up in any way but I saw your post and had to respond. If there’s anything I can do to help I’d be willing. Feel free to call me with any suggestions or questions, I can be reached at 414-254-**** There has to be something we can do! Although even being able to meet him will just be a temporary lift, she’ll need to find meaning, acceptance, and passion for what life has to offer her in the future. I wish you all the best and I hope I can help in some way. Take care and be positive things will get better if you stay strong.Joeseph
i saw your post and am sympathetic for your situation. I am a professional actor and can tell you that IMDB database has links to contact representation of talent. If you look into that IMDB.com you may be able to contact LeBoufs agent and may be able to work something out. I am not 100% positive that it will work but it is worth a shot.
Please don't judge me.THATS SICK.
you must be some sort of real piece of shit preying on your moms death this has to be the worst post ive ever seen on cl i think your moms probably rite about you what a piece of shit you are
If this is a seriuos posting then,I have tons of artwork for you a bucka pice, real authentic ll\ooking,lemme know thanx !
i love it. i would promise to put her in my beautiful garden.Kimberly
i know the right thing to do....
but please call me. diane/414-807-****
p.s. don't belive in hauntings...lol
wow, that's pretty creepy! you could probably take the ashes somewhere like the beach or a park (it might be against the law though to dump her somewhere) but at least she'd be out of your house. I think it's kind of weird you're trying to give your mother in law away though. Best of Luck! From my experience though, she's not going to stop haunting you if you really think it's her. You may need to walk through the house when you think she's "present" and let her know you mean no harm to the kids. I had a similar problem at an old apartment of mine where strange things happened when i would discipline my daughter (I only ever raised my voice)...the only way i got it to stop was to walk around my apartment and talk to whatever or whomever it was that was still there.Barb
so again, best of luck to you!
Can you please tell me where you are located? I would love to have the urn.Tim
I have the ashes for my uncle in a not very attractive vessel, looking for an appropriate upgrade for him, is your urn available for that purpose?
Jim
I really think you should be ashamed of yourelf,Pedro
Walk a mile in my shoes buddy.
I challenge you to try living with the ghost of my recently deceased mother in law for a week.
Until then don't judge me.
You up for it?Jim
Ya ,I am .You sound like a self centerd idoit.who cares only about himself.It sound like a bullshit story any.Pedro
I care about the safety of my family Jimbo ... That is hardly self centered. I would give you the urn for a week but I am concerned that my Mother in Law would do real damage to you and your house. She seems to feed on fear and anger ... traits you appear to have an abundance of. Would you be willing to sign documents waiving me of any responsibility for the damages incurred by taking possession of the urn?Jim
You sound like a complete idiot.
Hello,Pedro
Sounds like something to add to my collection.
Where in Milwaukee are you?
When can I pick it up?
What kind of collection do you have?Wayne
I collect horror movie and halloween stuff.Pedro
This would be perfect in my mini haunted house in the basement.
All in fun, not any devil crap or anything like that.
any chance you have some pictures of your mini haunted house? I would like to see the final resting spot of my dear evil mother in law before I make the decision.
Hello Again,
These are the only pics I have here at work. It only shows a small area
of what I have. Plus it is taken with a flash so you cannot see it with
all the colored lighting.
I do work for charity haunted houses during October in Hubertus and Hartford. I am telling you this so you don't think I am just some freak.
Anything else let me know. I am here at work till 2:30
Call me. 262-673-**** Listen to message a little then dial 10 for Operator and ask for Wayne.
Do you have health insurance? I think it's time to talk to a mental health expert.
Sounds Great Where do I pick-up the BODY. LOL Joe BKimhan231
Come on, you can't be serious, but damn are you funny. I know what "not" to do with my mother in law, she's going to other sister's house. ThanksBridget
we dont want your urn but wanted to let you know that u had my wife and i laughing on the floor thanks for the smileIfinewthnwhtinow
THOUGH I HAVE NO NEED FOR THIS URN I WANTED U TO KNOW I HAVE NOT LAUGHED IN A LONG TIME (DEPRESSIONS GOT THE BEST OF ME) BUT THIS ADD HAD ME LAUGHING LIKE NEVER BEFORE! GOOD LUCK WITH THIS URN LOL & THANKSJeff
seriousely . are you insane? 1st it is illegal what you are doing and second if your wife should find out your mother inlaw will be the least of your problems
hi
here is my pic of me
its a little old, but im on the left
The pic i sent of me was about 20 years ago.
now im much older, kind of bald, husky guy
Im pretty out going and by no means do I have to humiliate myself for money, however this just sound like fun. I often watch funny shit on you tube myself and always thought it would be fun to put something up. It just so happens im out of work. My company lost their contract with the city of milwaukee due to cut backs laying myself and several others off. If you are serious and cash up front let me know.... This sounds pretty ridiculous to be a serious post but thought idgive a shout ne way.
I am old, eccentric and filthy rich. I have done things you have never heard of and traveled to places you will never see in your life. I light my cigars with $100 bills and that only because $500 and $1000 bills are getting scarcer. The point is I am old and bored so I have decided to give a little bit of my money away to you peons ... but we are going to have a little bit of fun first.
I would like to suggest you take at least a few of your fellow bums with you. You are going to be lonely down there all by yourself. Since you will be so wealthy down there and dont speak the language you will have all the other bums looking for handouts. Might need some protection.
Good riddance...need help packing, idiot?
What ever you are smoking, what ever meds you are taking, share the wealth!!!1-414-243-****
Sorry to hear of your condition but i respect that alot if u get it going i so would be there thats somthing i would do
I found out three weeks ago that I am going to die of an inoperable brain tumor. I got multiple opinions and they are all the same. I am going to be pushing up daises a lot sooner than later. Rather than sitting around waiting for this tumor to kill me I am choosing to go out like a real man, by wresting a giant black bear. I am not looking for one of those pansy trained circus bears who ride unicycles ... I want to wrestle a vicious man eater. I am looking for 2 things.
1) a vicious man eating black bear to wrestle
2) somewhere to wrestle said bear
Quiet / peaceful land up north (preferably with access to wild black bears) would be ideal for this epic event. I am a welder by trade and am currently creating plans to construct a giant cage to wrestle the bear in. (think Thunderdome on a smaller scale) I have been doing some research on live bear traps and I think it will be possible to obtain or build one. You would be invited to watch the event along with a small group of my family and friends. If you could keep it low key I am willing to allow ticket sales for others to watch my final minutes.
If you can help me put this sensational event together please contact me as soon as possible. The doctors do not know how much time I have but they do not sound optimistic.
did you find anyone to cure you of your phobia? If not I would like to do this and or photograph your experience. Is this also a sexual fantasy? Legit? You're not a rapist or a murder no offense but people have to be careful these days.Pedro Gonzalez
Sorry for the delay in responding to you, I am having a friend of mine go through all of the e-mails first to ensure that there are no clown pictures attached. First off this is not a sexual fantasy. It is as stated, an attempt to cure myself of a debilitating phobia.
You bring up a very interesting idea ... what about helping to shoot a documentary? Maybe we could mount cameras to the celling in my bedroom to capture the 31 days of scaring. Are you a professional photographer? Do you have any related clowning experience?
Feel free to send pics, my friend will strip them out before forwarding them along to me.C. Givens
That sounds amazing! I take photos on the side. I am totally fascinated by this and I would ask for no compensation. I am a printmaker by trade and i am a freelance artist. No frills just film haha. I have attached my blog address check out my work and photos. Also a picture of me but not as a clown....I also mentioned this to one of my other artist friends and she loves the idea.
Best,
C.. Givens
cyncinc.tumblr.com
I am a clown. picture not included.Pedro Gonzalez
I'm hoping this is a joke post. However, I'm also low on work during the winter so I'm the clown for you. Countless people sent me the link thinking I would get a kick out of it. If it is a joke post, you are a genious and should come write for my circus. If not write back for details of clown experience.
Thank you for your time
I assure you sir my mental health is no joke, I take it very seriously. I have consulted numerous medical professionals over the years and nobody have been able to cure me of this bizarre phobia of mine. The job is pretty straight forward. You will be responsible to wake me up every morning at 5:30am. NO EXECPTIONS.
I will give you a key to my house. You will creep into my bedroom (or living room, sometimes i fall asleep on the couch while watching television) and wake me up. The method in which you wake me up is open to interpretation. One day you could splat me in the face with a cream pie and the next day you could honk an over sized novelty horn in my ear. I will probably jolt upright and immediately be immobilized by fear. You will then preform a 3-5 minute show using standard clown tricks. If you find me asleep on the couch juggling would be acceptable because of the vaulted ceilings. (I would implore you to stay away from juggling chainsaws because of the inherit danger, flaming bowling pins is ok though)
After the show you will walk out and not return until following day. I will leave the money on the nightstand. The first couple times you may feel bad leaving me there shaking in a puddle of my own piss but I promise you I will be alright in an hour or so.
You mentioned that you are a professional clown, where on the clowning scale to you fall?
|- Bozo
|- Circus Clown
|- Birthday Party Clown
|- Parade Clown
|- John Wayne Gacy
|- Shriner
A friend of mine is screening all of the responses and helping me to choose a suitable candidate so feel free to include pictures of yourself in full makeup along with any relevant clowning experience.
Hi, i saw your ad on craigslist and I was interested in taking the clown job. I am not a professional clown, however my grandfather is friends with a professional and I am sure I will be able to learn enough in time to help you overcome your fear. Let me know more details please.Pedro Gonzalez
Thank you,
Sounds interesting - a mix of professional and amateur clowning.Mailani
Basically the job is open to interpretation.
You must arrive at 5:30am EVERYDAY - NO EXCEPTIONS.
You will walk into the bedroom and wake me up. There is no guidelines regarding this and I encourge you to mix it up, be creative! For example on day 1 you may wake me up with a slide whistle, but day 2 you may wake me up by spraying my face with silly string while honking your nose. (Although silly string may be dangerous if it got caught in my throat ... I may have to rethink that)
After I am awake and paralyzed with fear you will preform simple magic tricks for a few minutes. I will try to clear some space out in front of my bed in case you would like to ride around on little shriner car or something.
Then you will leave and return the next day.
sounds good- when would you like to meet to discuss the details
I am deathly afraid of clowns.hey, you sound like fun..mail me back from the milwaukee area. just moved out here.Sophie
i have been up all night trying to find a decent ad.. finally ran across yours. Message ME back soon! Send a pic.LBA
Thats the thing about needs. Sometimes when you get them met you dont need them anymore.
Greetings “Hefty”, your ad intrigues me. Contrary to appearances my name is not “*****” - I merely hijacked his email account to send you a message – free of charge. Its a trick I learned hanging with Mayor Becker when he turned me into a hot slut at age 12. I’m now free to roam since he’ll be confined to the hoosegow.Ceramic Chick
Your prayers have been answered. I am 3’2” - 60 lbs of smurftastic lovin’. You’ll have to indulge my Fraggle Fetish – make sure to stock up on Kooshes and get used to answering to the name of Gobo.
It will be smurfy times down on Fraggle Rock, if ya know what I mean...
I always loved the smurfs!!Auntie Kk
ok, I know this sounds weird, but who better to ask then a smurfmobilia expert and enthusiast. Have you ever see Jeff Dunhams Arguing with myself? He makes the comment in there, if you choked a smurf, what color would it turn? Well? Purple maybe? Any thoughts? Also, the ever pondering question...........why was Smurfette the only female smurf? The smurfs still make me giggle even as an adult. (I am 31) Wish they were still the afternoon cartoon sometimes.Becca
Happy Smurfing for your Smurfette!
(I am for real if you reply with answers or thoughts just out of the curiosity of it all).
So in other words you are just a simple blue toothbrush looking for your pink toothbrush?Barbie
I am 4'7" and am often mistaken for smurfette. I was asked to portray her in the new live action film..."Smurf Smut" The thing is I have this serious fetish for Shaggy, with a secret obsession to include Scooby. I have always been jealous of Daphne, she is everything I'm not (tall, flowing hair, long legs, great fashion sence) I am ashamed of my smurf like qualities, I have even tried to embrace it by bathing in electric blue coolaid and bearing my white closed toe pumps but I need to find my village of smurf men to idolize my beauty before I can truly appriciate her charater....GOT ANY FRIENDS????
XXXOOO
